Go on, leave if you dare.
THIS IS THE list:
---------NEW YEAR---NEW PAGE---NEW YORK-------
To all you lucky people out there who were bored just a few
minutes ago..we here at the Levinson Newsroom have devised a
page that will not only bore you more than any other Website we
guarantee that if you find any other homepage that is more Abysmal,
more Absonant, more Abstruse, more Abusive or more ABBAesque
we will give you all your money back. (send us your fax no.)
The photo on the left is a souvenir of my recent visit to the East.
I secured a deal selling condoms to a bunch of Tibetan Monks. In
their gratitude they sent their quality controller to the airport
to greet me.
..WELCOME HOME SIMON..
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This site is sponsored by your TV license.
............................................................................................................
A couple of prophecies for the coming year....
The Iranians will come up with a cure for constipation.
sent in by Mustapha K Rapp.
NASA will send a probe to confirm that there is life on Uranus.
not sent in by Mustapha K Rapp.
AS THIS SITE IS FREE WE WILL SEND ALL PROCEEDS TO
THE FRIENDS OF THE OLD TEL AVIV BUS STATION.
I must apologise in advance if this site is slowly updated. I have
to wait till after dark to edit as I learnt to write @ nightschool.
Please Email us any suggestions or comments you might have
about this site or offer us some advice to put the webmaster
out of his misery?
Have a Healthy and Happy 1998
The staff and medical consultants at the Levinson Newsroom.
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INTERESTING SITES THAT WERE BANNED FROM THE NET
Charles, William and Harry left.
www.Help\SAVE\THE WALES.com
1 shawarma 2 shawarma 3 shawarma 4.
www.Insomniacs\deepsheeep\sweetsleep.org
ONLY JESUS SAVES
www.baywatch\lifeguard\union.com
Want to lose 10 kilos today?
Chop off your left arm.
www.amphidextrous.society.ok
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Did you know that if Michael Jackson laid all the boys
he ever went out with from end to end..
Nobody would be surprised.
Who was the first elastic man in the bible?
Balaam. He tied his ass to a tree and walked into Jerusalem.
======================================================
We have just heard that the ultra orthodox in Israel have started
making a list of Who Is A Jew. The Commitee for Israeli Lineage
is worried that with the recent influx of Olim (new immigrants)
many non Jews have slipped into the country and could cause
problems such as (G-d forbid) intermarriage!!!!
What do we say here at the Levinson Newsroom...SPAM THEM.
Mind you you if could get hold of their reject list you could
Be a Lobos and take a shicksa to the picures on a Shobos.
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With thanks to Mighty Max Markson for the Last Line, HI MAX!
=====================================================================
A letter just came here in error. So we opened it.
Dear Mum
Please inform me when you intend to step down from your
present post. I need to prepare myself for all sorts of things
eg. public speaking, sword flaying, and that curios arm waving
trick. Also the nation will have to get used to licking my backside
(stamps of the realm etc.).
I have just found myself with plenty of free time on my hands
and a promotion is well overdue. I am now a widower (however
a good friend has advised that I keep my hand in with the fillies)
with two Princes to look after so the extra gelt would come in
jolly handy.
We are all sorrowed that Di Died and therefore is no longer in
the running but please bear in mind that if you were to stand
down you could add another title to your trophy cabinet..
namely KING MOTHER.
I know that at the time of writing we still have granny but she
wont mind, besides she still blames herself for matchmaking
me so badly. So she owes me one.
I await your early reply,
Your Loyal Servant,
Chas
xxx
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
Partial success can be measured best with half a brain.
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
You are the sunshine of my life!
Raindrops keep falling on my head!
The sun will come out tomorrow?!
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down!
Dont cry for me Argentina.
I remember you....You were meant for me!
I wanna hold your hand.
Why Why Why Delila?
I kneed a man!!
Love is a crazy animal!
Whats love got to do with it.!!
THIS SITE IS SPONSORED BY THE "JOINT"
Cluedo, the parlour game of the proletariate.
Monopoly, the board game of western capitalists.
Incest, the game the whole family can play.
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
YOU ARE THE ...last... VISITOR TO THIS SITE
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
BACK TO MY HOMEPAGE
- If you are reading this a second time....you need HELP
- GET BACK JO JO
FUQ's (freekwently unanswerable questions)
Did I make Good Morning Vietnam?
No, I did make Good Morning Israel .
Did I make Rain Man?
No, but I am making a biopic on the Prince
of Wales... Reign Man, why dont you.
Do you know the difference between Marg
and Butter?
No, ask Marlon Brand.
Why did James Bond lose his license to kill?
cos he failed his Israeli driving test.
What were Stan Laurels' last words?
Kiss me Hardy.
Why am I wasting my time on this homepage?
This months most FUQ!
Do I work for NBC?No, I work for the Bibi BroadcastingCo.(BBC)
?????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Next Month........
USEFUL SITES THAT WERE REFUSED BY our SERVER
eg.
Just go into your parents PC type c:\diskformat...you will
then receive free membership to
www.National Euthanasia Society\the end is nigh.com
or
Do you wake up at night and wonder where you are?
www.nightscape navigator.org.
or
Do you wake up at night and ask what day it is?
Its nightime stupid.
______________________________________________________
DO YOU NEED ASSSISTANCE WITH THIS SITE???
If you need assistance with this site..
you need "?"
If you can't find any help with "?"
you need "help"
If "?" doesn't help and "help" won't help
next please try double clicking on "Windows help"
"Windows help" is very helpful especially when
"?" or "help" doesn't help
If all else fails please send $5 on a postcard to
our Helpline-----------------we will send you our
pamphlet "WHAT TO DO WHEN HELP DOESN'T"
or send $10 and we will rush you our book "The
HELPFUL GUIDE TO HELPING THE HELPLESS"
Last but not least we could send you $20,
would that help??
__________________helpline______________________________
AS THIS SITE IS NEVER GOING TO GET BETTER PLEASE
TAKE A TABLET AND GO TO BED.
COME BACK SOON.
copyright Barry Levinson 1998
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